Having spent several weeks traversing Europe – Greece, Spain, Germany and the UK, I am finally back in la la land.
Now I’d quite forgotten that no-one is allowed to have more than 0.7 calories a day and so today (Sunday) I awoke with unease and guilt given that I had imbibed rather heavily last night and feasted like a King.
There was nothing for it but the old LA trick of a run up Runyon Canyon. It’s really beautiful if you make it to the top without having a cardiac arrest or being defibrillated by some kind passer by! And let’s not worry that its 24 degrees and swelteringly hot. Perfect running weather – NOT!
And on top of the hill I was hit with a revelation. For in Runyon, there lives an entirely distinct human species. Toned, buff and bulging. And that’s just the women! I have never seen so many topless people running. It seems to be de rigeur. Actually you don’t have to run, but you do have to look good and be topless and then you can drape yourself on a park bench or pretend to do pushups whilst all the time the aim is to be seen by as many people as possible.
Now I’m not fat, but up there I felt like Baba Papa (for those of a certain age) or Mr Greedy (for those younger readers). With every pounding footstep I could feel last night’s cocktails plotting their escape.
There was nothing for it but to join in. By this time it was scorching, I was red as a beetroot and about to hail an ambulance to take me home. Desperate times call for desperate measures – so the shirt had to come off.
Then topless, my moist gleaming torso illuminated by the sun, I jogged downhill to the street. Topless with my bluetooth headphones, wearing just shorts, socks, trainers and the obligatory sunglasses – The metamorphosis is now complete
I have turned into a la la Angeleno!